This is part of a continuing series of old rants/essays/snark/thoughts/etc/etc/etc from years back that I figured I might as well throw somewhere other than a decrepit and deleted Discord server. This one comes from a “video game book club” that I played with some fellow traveler nerds. This one is a per-mission breakdown of my thoughts at a given point.
As Always, Assume Spoilers
The Missions Mission 1 This is just a plot filler mission Two vaguely anime cops and an edgy teenager’s noir detective Anime hood man is . . . Very silly and dumb The chainsaw man sequence is pretty much on rails - I found this out when I tried to be clever and learned that his scripted path changes when you get to a certain point Hoping this is just the “teaser” The city collapsing is . . . Too much too soon. Somehow, a lot is going on and no-one is reacting correctly. Especially the main character. Mission 2 Oh, it’s zombies! I didn’t actually realize that was going to be the main enemy. Sebastian handles like a truck. Sometimes in a good way, often in a “the physics engine is crying” way. There are checkpoints and also manual saves? I don’t get it. Yeah, this is super RE4 in general concept. Even got the roundhouse kick. It’s still very linear, but I can see how this would be cool - like the better parts of RE2, where going off the beaten path is a risk/reward calculation for resources. Mission 3 This was fun. Nice to have some actual tools, though. The Good Doctor is fucking Great. He’s the only voice actor to recognize what he’s in, a camply schlock piece. Much better than the constant bored “. . . shit” deliveries. The village is more linear that it seemed, but it’s nice to have multiple angles of attack through the map. It’s almost Dishonored-like, but much smaller I love the guy who just dives off the damn watchtower Zombies with guns aren’t really zombies, but . . . Whatever. More annoyed at the obvious choke to force you to get the guns, but also I caught a bunch of scripted events that kinda just took me out of the mood Jesus Christ, I spent so long trying to take down the chainsaw guy. I really hate RE bosses, because it’s so unclear whether you’re doing damage or if they’re a puzzle boss. I burned a grenade, two mines, and a bear trap on that asshole. He moves so fast. If not for the boss, I kinda liked this one. Mission 4 Yeah, now we have some random spooky imagery that doesn’t go anywhere. Why is no one reacting to zombies and teleportation like it just happened. I can’t get anyone’s motivations to make sense in what is I assume the matrix. If the level world is real (including in the past), it makes no sense that no one is reacting; if it’s in Sebastian’s head, I don’t understand why anything is happening. Invisible enemy. Interesting. Takes a lot of bullets to put down, which is annoying. I wonder how often soft locking happens? WTF why am I in a pure combat zone all of a sudden after the game basically refused. This is definitely more “frustrating” than claustrophobic. Also, I hate that the one trap zombies don’t set off is motion detectors? You can shoot them, but damn. This is a highly linear level, I don’t love it. Oh, I get it. This game is going for “shooter variety” - stealth section, combat section, plot section, spooky section . . . Doesn’t seem to be building up yet, just switching between them. I don’t get the Grudge lady thing. I guess just linear pressure to run forwards? I don’t feel like I’m making choices under pressure, just trying to figure out how the game designers WANT me to go. Again, more frustration than horror or tension. The door that doesn’t open until you trigger her - even though it was locked before - is BS. Mostly because it doesn’t trigger until too late. Hey, it’s anime dude! Oh, he killed me in a blink. Run away I guess? That just kinda . . . Ended. Well, whatever, it sucked. Mission 5 Is the plot ever going to advance? I feel like we’re still just “walking forward” but really towards anything. Are we still on “get Leslie?” We’ve been teleported around so much that I don’t understand why we think he might be forward. Okay, this is an interesting use of invisible enemies, I’ll give them that. I’m not sure if I am/am not supposed to kill them - I killed one and ran past the other. The blur room puzzle is weirdly artificial, and while visually cool feels tied to nothing I get an AI buddy, yay . . . Oh, he shoots and stabs! Nice! . . . He is not immune to friendly fire like, say, a grenade. The horde attack is both deeply annoying and also kinda the best part of the level? I’m at least doing something requires to think at all. The ammo spawns are very clearly tuned up. I can see the developers changing the game rules out from under us but pretending they aren’t. Goddammit, every time we see Kidman, her shirt gets soaked. This whole thing is a bit juvenile, but this is just embarrassing. Fucking long haired lady . . . I spent forever on this because I couldn’t get the timing on the one furnace to work and I also kept missing the one barrel. The chain yanking thing . . . What’s the point? Also, wasted ammo because I didn’t know that was a thing. . . Mission 6 More horde events, yay . . . Sniper rifle is interesting, given that there often isn’t much range Wasted a bunch of resources on the infini-zombies because I didn’t realize that was the case Chainsaws! Are! Bullshit! (I was stuck on this guy so long, because I still have no clue how much approximate health they have). One kit kills, fast moving, takes so much punishment I had to burn out a frost bolt, a flash bolt, and all my shotgun ammo. I nicknamed the MC “Detective Wino” because the way he holds bottles makes him look like a drunk guy on the street. Who knew our fearless hero was a alcoholic? He’s never actually had a drink anywhere onscreen! Yay, another boss (and his brother) . . . Run, shoot, run, shoot . . . I feel like these are just fancy gates. Because I never feel like I can use skill here, it’s just “dump large amounts of ammo and big resources.” Luckily Joseph got involved halfway through and did most of the work. The taunting zombie getting splatted was funny, though. Interesting dungeon visually, again what is the point? Culty sacrifices feel disconnected from everything else going on. Science experiment ties in better, but the connection to whatever reality is feels . . . Tenuous. The dog is bullshit, I have no idea how to actually avoid damage - I just had to give up and eventually just dump damage (grenade, all my shotgun ammo, all my bolts). The thing is fast, turns on a dime, and cheats - it can move through objects that you can’t. I got the glasses, but did not kill the dog. Is each level getting exponentially longer? This one had so many phases. I know I should be conserving ammo, but it really screws with you when there’s always another phase and you don’t know how many. Three boss encounters is too many. Two seems like it should be the upper cap. I feel like a bunch of these levels work better on a replay - because then you have the foreknowledge of how far you gotta go and can plan to pace your resource usage. Currently I’m getting screwed by infini-zombies and surprise bosses, and thinking I’m close to the ending Honestly, I had to struggle through the last fight because the thought of doing everything again was . . . Exhausting. The flow at this point seems to be “get through a couple of designed fights, boss checks your ammo supplies” Current story beats: mad science, a sacrificial cult, a serial killer, reality warping, humans being turned into hate-zombies. Do these things go together? I guess they could. Mission 7 I kinda liked this one too? Felt like there was a nice rhythm, although using the grates was a bit obvious and easy. Hard to say more here, other than this felt pretty decently executed, almost like a Dark Souls level? Mix of exploration and looping and hidden chambers and environmental options Goddammit, Leslie. I should just shoot you in the head. Why do I even want to find you? Boss was a “fun” puzzle. It was still super frustrating, but Mission 8 Did . . . Did they finish this mission? Some annoying combat zombies, a terrible one-hit kill puzzle (I missed the book the first time because I never got the symbol), and just . . . Done. Randomly. I don’t get the fetuses. Although it is hilarious roundhouse kicking like ten of them at once for a huge burst of blood. Oh, we’re in a shared mindscape. That . . . Has not been utilized as a concept one bit, actually. Maybe one and half times (church and the lab)? Less teleportation and it’s just an RE4 “go through the action gothic environment.” I feel like giving us that tipoff around Mission 2 would have not only been fine, but actively better and give them more room to leap between level concepts. Well, at least I get to see the doctor. How did we get here? What does this have to do with our hero’s dead family members? Why does Ruvik want us dead? No idea. The jank is obvious . . . I died to the Many Limbed Thing v2 because I didn’t realize that the cutscene had ended Mission 9 Oh hey, NOW you use your “in the mind” concept. Fuckers. Sebastian has a dead kid. Shocking. Upsides of this level: Nice concept, interesting transversal around, I like backtracking in these games, some story, puzzle breaks up the combat Downsides of this level: Cheating devs (see below), each death in the main section just starts you completely over, that very confusing grinder trap If you die a bunch like I did (Ruvik got me like three times by dumb luck before I figured out how he works) it becomes real obvious that the devs are cheating. Zombies are spawned by very specific triggers depending on what you do. So first it looks random and thus frustrating, then it doesn’t and somehow that’s even more frustrating. Also, they have to cheat a bullet into your pistol or the grinder trap is impossible I grenaded a fat zombie and little zombie and both lived! How does damage work!? Stealth is fake. Every time I stealth now, they see me through walls or are specifically positioned or coded to prevent stealth. I only use stealth after throwing bottles now for the free kill. The story: okay, this doesn’t actually give me any insight into anything. Ruvik was a dick with a dead sister doing brain experiments. Is he the Serial Killer mentioned earlier? What does he have to do with the evil church (if anything)? I’m learning Ruvik’s backstory before I can even learn what he’s doing RIGHT NOW. Imagery update: MANNEQUINS! Yeah, they’re just throwing shit at the wall. That thematically ties to nothing. Coalesced some of my thoughts around the bosses which is: with the exception of the dog, they all work on paper. Each one forces a different playstyle during the combat. Problem is that figuring out if you’re doing the right thing is . . . Really rough without feedback. RE has been going 20 years, how have they never made the bosses not suck? Mission 10 The trap section part 1 differentiates itself as at least an interesting gimmick. Once again, the developer is cheating HARD. The whirling blade section triggers at a certain point regardless of you being viewable, which is . . . Artificial I know some people don’t care about artificiality in games, but it drives me up a wall. Trust your gameplay and let me make choices, game! Stealth is definitely broken. An enemy walking over a bomb fifty feet away alerts them to your position behind cover. The trap section part 2 was tricky but I felt like I finally had some things I could do and while not getting ahead. Actually balancing resources and setting up traps. I feel like I can’t disarm the motion sensor bombs well enough to ever take the risk. I am deeply, deeply frustrated with the crucifix guys - mostly because I didn’t realize that they were to be avoided and weren’t minibosses. So I actually spent a shit-ton of resources on the first one, only to realize that once there were two there was no damn way I should have done that. Too late, though. Got my ass handed to me so many times but the duo because the door didn’t stay, unlike all of the others. I turned it five times! It was a bad time. The long haired lady (Laura!) is back! Not sure why, although “Ruvik controls the dream” is as good as anything. Had to keep redoing this section trying to spot the tiny places to shoot. Definitely continues to make me feel like I’m making no progress. This boss somehow sucks MORE than all the other bosses. Janky physics (I got stunlocked so many times by objects that were barely moving), inability to dodge, highly agile (it 180’d so many times), every clever trick being coded away (died hiding under a car, saw a special cutscene). The really annoying one is the goddamn one-hit kill! It took me HOURS to beat, and I only did it when I realized that the phase 2 hitbox is so broken that I can just walk under the thing. Running to the left or right or back gets you killed instantly, though. It was wildly uneven. This level was fucking exhausting. Felt like it needed to be about one segment less. Three gimmicks in a level is just too many - arguably, two is too many, but bosses are only debatably gimmicks. You want to know frustrating this level is? The wiki I use to jog my memory stopped recording mission details as of this mission. Seriously. Plot beats: not much. Leslie is somehow the key out, but I’m not sure what Jimenez was trying to do. No one is acting as if everything in the mindscape is fake, even though everyone knows it at this point. Jimenez dies like a bitch to the multi-headed thing, which is disappointing because I liked him. And he seems to recognize the corpse-limb-thing? Ruvik ominously threatens Sebastian, and yet doesn’t kill him because . . . Fuck you, I guess? He keeps killing me in other places, so it’s so weird that he just doesn’t here. I guess the inmate is the new info-giver going forward? They spoiled the nurse’s name in a tooltip: Tatiana. Weird. There’s five more fucking missions . . . I hope chapter 15 is a quick one. This is becoming a slog, I was perilously close to just rage quitting the whole game during this boss fight because of the bullshit. Have any of the bosses been ever properly contextualized in the greater scope? I feel like there’s a version of this game structure that I would really like . . . And this is not the execution. Too much artificiality and changing rules and unclear goals. I mentioned to Daniel that the game is often conflating “horror atmosphere” wit h “loud and noisy” Mission 11 Not a ton of new stuff here - no plot advancement and encounter design is somewhat interesting, but not a ton different than before. I think the rhythm of the game has set in. I did find a Magnum! Using RE rules, this will only be used on bosses, I bet (this is literally more of an RE4 sequel than RE5) Fish creature breaks up things, although I don’t love it. I had to start the level over because I used too much ammo on the Ruvik clone fight - I didn’t realize he was the only one who had to die. Once again, unclear victory conditions kill. The psychic zombie cop behind the door is the most bullshit I’ve seen, it’s actually impossible without certain ammo I notice that the tram car zombies have much, much lower health than normal because the devs cheat . . . Ah, now I am a zombie . . . Or not. Is that plot thread going anywhere? This ended so anti-climatically. I guess I kill Joseph next? Mission 12 What the fuck is even going on here? This is actually suddenly an RE 5 or 6. I take back what I said about finding the rhythm. Giant boss is dumb, but at least his attacks are kinda dodgeable (after dying a few times)? Bus fight against the horde is fine. Machine gun? A fucking machine gun? I made that cry both as the thing showed up the first time and when I mowed down like 50 dudes. Pointless driving sequence . . . At least I walked out of this with a fuckton of ammo, so that ain’t good Mission 13 So Sebastian’s wife went missing, not died. Is that why he’s in the mindscape fucking around, because she got abducted by the serial killer (I assume Ruvik?) Clone zombies are scary only because one hit kills that The puzzle sequence with the beyblades is less a puzzle and more “keep dying until you learn the things that happen” - not actually scary. I know puzzles are needed to break up action, but I think I would have preferred actual, you know, puzzles. Hello Safe Boy. I guess blowing you up twice was the point? I’m still unsure if there’s a timer on the dumbwaiter or the kills were required. Who the fuck is this lunatic half-spilling the beans? Leslie in the real world? Ruvik’s not crazy half? Sebastian’s subconscious? I don’t understand his purpose aside from Greek Chorus Exposition (tm). I thought that it was implied that Kidman knew more about what’s going on. Wish she would tell us, the audience. (also, why didn’t she kill him the first ten times we saw them both together?) I have no idea what Leslie is supposed to turn into, so I definitely don’t believe that Sebastian does. Can I play as Kidman? I think the DLC lets me. That sounds much more fun. I await disappointment. Mission 14 More of the same, I think I get it now. Another good balance of resource tension Decent boss? I don’t think I liked squid boy, but it’s a more interesting encounter. Mission 15 Seems like this was a “one of each” structure mission, not a bad capper on paper This is waaaaaaaaay too long a walk through random scenes. A few minutes and it’s a nice break - but we never go anywhere and it’s too long. The huge Blood Arena was one hell of a fight. Burned most of my ammo pulling various tricks. I kinda was fine with this one. Felt like it could have been The Boss encounter in another game TWO Safe Heads! Burned all my bombs and most of my Magnum ammo. I’d be more impressed wit hthe fuck-you is A) they clearly have different rules to the previous encounters and B) it’s a pretty transparent rip off of the Silent Hill 2 Pyramid Head structure, only without the theming. This is the “real” final boss. I will never learn who the asylum inmate is, because he’s dead now. Seriously, no name or face for Mr Exposition. Can’t even find a wiki entry for him The stealth/trap section is . . . Annoying. It makes sense as a climactic encounter portion, but you can tell that the devs weren’t a fan because there a checkpoint every five feet. Our hero is an idiot. Shoulda shot Leslie. I’m pro-team-Kidman. I’m torn on this finale. On one hand, it’s basically a victory lap after all the suffering. On the other, it’s pretty dull and feels wrong for Ruvik’s style of villain. But big beasty monsters are the thing, I guess. The rocket launcher . . . Sign of Resident Evil incarnate. Did . . . Did we not escape the mindscape? That screech is supposed to be a thing from Ruvik that triggers the madness, no? (not that plot never went anywhere) If Ruvik was the brain, how did he stab Sebastian in the eye to get him in the machine? Was none of this outside The Matrix? So nothing happened over the whole game, including the final hint that Ruvik bodyjacked Leslie (because it’s still the sim)? Summation I . . . Almost want to like this game? The encounter design side works real well on paper. In practice the constant obvious artificiality and rule changing kills me. There’s a strong enough core to make a much better game, maybe the sequel does that? Maybe someday. I need a break from this. I felt frustration more than accomplishment or fear in most of this game. Story is complete bunk, this was a level first game with the excuse plot hastily assembled later I’m reminded of why RE doesn’t do it for me. It’s just . . . Too much noise. No style. Brief googling reveals that the DLC does all the story work retroactively to patch up this BS. Although there is a DLC where you play as the Keeper/Safeheadman, which sounds oddly fun. Personal Verdict, based on why I play games: Story - Slow, Bad, self contradicting, pretty sure it technically doesn’t start or end? I’m not even sure that the PC is the protagonist Exploration - Linear levels with very minor alt routes, so not much Player Expression - There’s some minor “how do I” Discovery - Okay at best. It’s fun finding resources, but the linearity takes some away. Aesthetics - Meh. Didn’t really do it for me? Not enough atmosphere beyond the basic splatterpunk walls. Emotional Invocation - Not really? There’s something to the slow shooter mechanics, but everything else doesn’t do it for me. RE2 (REmake) was better in every way.